My Teenage Hollywood-Movie Story

As I write this my stomach aches with greasy food and a milkshake!

But now your probably drawn into this story and spun around like a crack head who hears someone exclaim, "I love drinking coke!"

Since, you are dying of curiosity let me indulge you a little. It all started about two hours ago when I was leaving Diana's. You see my NOT dimwitted manager decided to schedule me to work for nine days/ eternity-plus in a row. So after going to work at 0800 today, which meant not getting enough sleep last night, I got off around 1430. which is kickin' except for the fact, that since I got up at eight I'm exhausted. This is building up to an excuse for my absence of mind throughout the day. So after forgetting to clock out at work, I go home. Home of course is a place I will describe one day, so that whenever you decide for yourself to analyze this jumbled piece of trash I call my "blog" you can see where all this garbage came from.

So, I get home and complete some daily routine stuff, good times, really good times. Check in with my LH dudes and listen to some tunes to unwind. I decide to go to Diana's which I did after a short skirmish that I defused with my mother. Always obstacles to get out of this house. . . I go to Diana's around 1630 or so. Massive fun watched The Brothers Grimm I think it was called. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger???

Everything is good. Today/tomorrow I am scheduled to work at 0630. Yeah exactly, why in the hell for everything that is holy would anyone need to work that early for something other than the good of human life? Well I'll give you a hint. It's plural, part of the horse family, and yeah you get it. So I had to leave Diana's around 2200 so I could get home and get sleep for that early shift.

A slight problem however that greatly influence my plans of early departure of consciousness. My dad's suped (and by suped I mean incredibly minor body damage) up '99 Chevy Cavalier does not have an automatic headlight shutoff system. So in the event that an absent minded driver (absent minded while NOT driving) such as myself forgets to turn them off in broad day light, they will run down the battery.

So as you can guess I get back to my car only to realize my mistake the moment I switch my lights to find they are already on. Good job Fife, you really did it this time. So I return to Diana's house to ask for jumper cables. This turns out all to be very good because I had never ever jumped a car in my life and tonight I learned how so I was all about it.

I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS TOMORROW AFTERNOON AFTER A LOVELY DAY OF WORK THAT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ABOUT AS MUCH AS GETTING TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE

Cont.

Well I survived, obviously. It's not about 1800 and I have been home for a few hours puttering around; I don't remember what I did. I took a nap that pretty much grabbed some of my time without a giving me a receipt of less exhaustion.

So back to the story at hand. I start driving home and in my mind I'm thinking like an ignoranus, "hmmm I need to buy a new car battery". . .Because you see my parents consistently take away my ability to make independent decisions for myself and I will explain all that later.

But because of all that I was forced to set out on a quest. A quest to find, pay for, and install a new car battery at 2300 on a sunday night and have them not know. So I go to the bank planning to withdraw $200 which is almost 50% of my standing savings account. Do you see my commitment for the whole gain independence at the age of 19 from my parents? Well apparently you can't make a withdraw from your own savings at an ATM? I mean I never tried, but I thought it was an option considering it asks you the account type. So I don't have the ability to get cash, but I could overrun my checking in the hopes I would not get charged too heftily for transferring funds.

I decide it would be worth the risk and the cost to try it out. I go home, park the car in the driveway and leave the car running. I run inside the house trying to not wake my parents and I grab my laptop. I then return to the car, and google queries like '24 hour car serve [my zipcode]' and 'emergency car batteries'. I called like seven different places and all of them were willing to tow me, but not sell me a battery alone.

I'm pretty pissed at myself at this point. Hope is fading about as quickly as my idea of getting more than 6 hours of sleep before work.

At this point I call Diana and explain the ordeal and of course she comes to the rescue. "Why are you buying a new battery?"
"Because the other one is dead. . .?"
"Your battery is rechargeable!"
"Wait, it is?"
"Yes"
"No way? HOW!!!???"
"Just drive around for an hour"
"If I leave my car running for an hour it will recharge the battery?"
"Yes"
"OK!"

So there it was. I had a new mission. Get some crappy food and just make a joke of my night. Try to unwind on my own and realize that this is not a real emergency. There was no "existential threat" as John McCain would say. So I go to McDonald's and they are closed. I'm really thinking about fries at this point. My favorite fries of all time are by far Rally's. Honestly, they are so freakin' good. I'm sure each fry takes more time off your life than a cigarette but I never smoke and hardly ever eat fries that it is worth it to me.

So I go on an expedition to Rally's because I "Hadda Eat". I pull up to the drive through hoping to grab some fries and a shake. I make the order. . .
"Hey dude yeah can I get a small chocolate shake and a small order of fries"
"Da shake machine down"
"Oh, well then I'll just take the fries with a hi-c"

So I pull up to the window and pay this guy, he hands me my hi-c and I proceed to wait there for the better part of 10 minutes waiting for these fries. In the meantime, he leaves the window open and has a conversation on his cell phone where he is yelling things like:

"Yeah doe though LAX is decent forreal like mang like I ain't never been dere fo sho like but I did hurr it was alright doe."

and. ..

"Yeah mang but she aint fat doe. Lie you can tell lie dat you know she lies her foods doe but she ain't like fat."

Eventually I get my fries and immediately am depressed about my shake. So I venture over to Steak 'n Shake. Here is the place where a good time is being had by all. People waddling out of their cars, more round than a sphere. Looks like some freestyle battles are going on inside. And all the while it looks like everyone in the kitchen is fast at work but the drive through still took forever to get those burgers out. I ordered one chocolate shake. Waited in line for a bit while still in communication with Diana. I got my shake and before I could identify just how delicious it was it was inside of my with a sprinkling of Rally's fries. As I drove home I realized that I had actually just inhaled a 16 oz shake and two handfuls of fries and something clicked on my stomach started the aches. I drove home knowing I had only a few more minutes until I could stop and turn off the car and try to sleep.

I pulled up in front of my house, parked on the street, and took a moment in breathe before turning off the car after running it for a grand total of 71 minutes. I shut off the lights and turned the key. The ceiling light came on. I put the key back into the ignition and slowly turned it hoping to the cosmic powers that the engine would rev and start. It did. I sighed a small and arrogant release. Pulled my trash together and walked inside. All of well with the car, but it was gaining midnight with great speed and all I could think about was waking at 0545. I climbed onto my sleeping platform that we call beds and layed there for a while contemplating what a great depression would start off as but decided to not consider the possibilities of such events. Slowly it turned into other thoughts and before I knew it/several hours later I fell into a slumber only to be rudely awaken about three hours later by the song 'Diving' by 4 Strings. As I climbed out of bed it occurred to me that perhaps I had not shutoff the lights again on my dad's suped up '99.

I did though.