I wrote this paper in my freshman year, oh wait I'm still in my freshman year. . .
I was unable to find the final copy so this is just the rough draft (emphasis on ROUGH).
Twinkie Tax or McGladiator Fights?
For those of you who don't know or don't think that there is an obesity problem in this country, here is a window on your solid wall of oblivion. When the airlines need to spend 275,000,000 dollars to burn more than 350,000,000 extra gallons of fuel just for fat people, there's an issue. (Twinkie Tax) Go to your nearest internet browser and look at this picture. http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_02/holidayG1111_468x343.jpg. It is amazing to me that people like this are even able to reproduce. Now go to http://www.images.google.com and type in “fat people.” Did you get four and a half million results. Is there still no problem? In 1999 the surgeon general released a report saying that 14% of all people 12-19 years of age were overweight. Are you kidding; no, you're fat kidding. If we as a country continue to traverse (metaphorically speaking because really we are not actually moving enough) down this path it could lead to serious irreversible and perhaps unforeseen problems for the future. Optimistically, there are solutions for people who insist of increasing their body size exponentially.
Luckily, the government could choose to tax the fat these people eat. This is called the “Twinkie Tax” The idea was proposed about 15 years ago by Kelly Brownell. He's director of Yale's Center for Eating and Weight Disorder. This is a nice way of saying “The guy who Yale is paying to get rid of people being so fat they indirectly kill themselves.” The way it works is real simple. It's real cheap to produce a mcburger. Something like that might cost a spare dollar in your pocket. What if the mcflipper who made the mcburger was forced to charge three spare bucks and then give two of them back to the government. The government then subsidizes the difference between the head of super-leafy-green-organic-broccoli-goodness and the mcburger so that people can choose to be healthy! But not only would it make good food cheaper, it would dissuade people from getting fast food as often if it is so expensive. It would appear that here, McMericans, I mean Americans, tend to pay for stuff when it is cheaper, check out alcohol tobacco sales as an example. But really that is not entirely fair oversimplification of the process because it wouldn't even take that much. Perhaps what we need from the government subsidies is actually just more nutritional education. Somewhere along the lines we just need the youth to understand that Daddy and Mommy don't actually save anything from their wallets when they are adding that much to their waistlines.
Think that people should outright have a choice on the food they eat? Cigarette companies aren't allowed to put up billboards anymore in most states. In the late 1980-90s a 25-cent tax was enacted for every pack bought and at least 5 cents of that was allocated specifically for the education of anti-tobacco. There was a decline of almost 30% in tobacco use. (Twinkie Tax) Seriously, if the government is allowed to suggest to people that sucking cancer into your lungs is bad I'm fairly certain they should be able to suggest that biting into fatty, diabetic patties isn't too good for your liver or pancreas either.
Nobody is saying that “you can't have cancer sticks,” and nobody is enforcing that “fat injected grease discs” are illegal. There is simply a movement to slow down people through educational and economic means from clogging their arteries while climbing into their supersized-caskets.
It may seem slightly extreme to consider this excessively excessive weight deterrent but hear me out; imagine McGladiator fights. Tournaments could be exclusively for the “biggest” possible contenders in a big arena several hundred feet across in which competitors actually fight each other. There could even be a tier system based on weights; Biggies, McFatts, and Supersized! If the 100m sprints across the arena didn't give them an instant heart attack the opponents could attempt to crush each other. At half time each player could give a life-story tracking their trans-fat intakes, unless of course they were too out of breath to talk. The entire epically proportioned McLympiad could be hosted by the “Hostess” with the Mostest (over-encumbered-ness) and sponsored by the “big” names in fast food. Nothing would sell better than an ironic “Slow Games is sponsored by Fast Food here on ABC.” Later they could even expand the games to encased cages in which kids are administered pure sugar intravenously and then given Ritalin! No, that would be too far.
Really though, that makes the next proposal sound even more reasonable. Strap everyone with a pedometer and make it law that everyone gets at least 8,000 steps/three miles roughly. If there is no compliance, the instigator can be shot on site. This is an idea that is just going to be put on there. It could possibly be earth shattering so try to bear with it. Eliminate drive-throughs and place the actual ordering counter a mile away. At least if you want to order that mcburger you have to walk off half of it before you even get there.
The worst part about all of this is the fact that it is being called an epidemic. As if it is sweeping the country sides like the black plague. Economically it would be in anyone's best interest to stay as healthy and therefore active as possible unless you like the idea of piles of mcmedical bills in your near future. Maybe some people like heart palpitations and collecting heart attacks. An excellent happy meal for adults could be a mcbypass surgery or you could go with the deluxe mctriple bypass surgery. There are however no plans at this time by any of the fast food companies to include deals like this in their smile meal packages.
In conclusion, aside from all unnecessarily snide and unpleasant comments this is a serious problem. Even if there is a feeling of want to eat fast food and be over weight there are still some negative effects that should be kept in mind for the future. First off, overweight adolescents have a 70% chance of going on to become overweight adults and that increases to 80% if one of their parents is obese. Just in general, again without any cruel jokes, some of the risks and problems very closely associated with being overweight are heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer. On a psychological level there are immediate threats of perceived social discrimination paired with low self-esteem and depression. (Surgeon General) With this we could be moving towards a culture and society built entirely around the payments of medical bills to make up for lack of general good health practices just based on nutrition. It's not too late to put down that burger....
Your Hero
- Fife
- You should find an "existential" reason to read this blog. Let it be whatever you want it to be. But I promise that you will not find that my facade is constructed by a socialite engineer, but a real person; a person who's life you can relate to your own.
30 September 2008
I Don't Much Care for Rap/Hip Hop. . . or "Soulja Boy"
For those of you less inclined to hip hop and rap (especially myself included) the phrase "yahhh trick yahhh" or simply "yahhh" could be used in place of "I don't care" or "I don't want to listen".
Soulja Boy "Tell 'Em" who I will now just call DeAndre Cortez Way or even better just DCW, explains this eloquently as he states at the beginning of his official YAHHH video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfCmYyG-yg4
"Man when somebody be[is] in your face on your nerves an[d] talkin' an[d] talkin' an[d] you don't want to hear it (I THINK he says) just be like 'yahhh! trick yahhh!'"
Then throughout the rest of the song the lyrics consist of "yahhh! trick yahhh!" and "get out[of] my face, get out[of] my face."
But don't forget the life changing words that are spoken:
"Let me tell you 'bout the life and how you live when you a star. Every single place you go the people run up to your car. Everybody wants to talk and everybody wants to jive everybody wants a handshake or wants a high-five. And these baby girls always got a friend that wants to talk to you. Ain't got time for chit-chat I'm tryin' to get this money. So get up out my face and do ahead get doney? (that last part I'm just guessing about. . .)"
If you watch the video take note of the growling sounds he makes that sounds like a medium sized rodent attacking something. . .
Of course I don't think the video is trying to be serious or realistic but I doubt that the 75 year old white mailman in the video is of the geographic to know who "Soulja Boy Tell 'Em" is much less what he looks like. . . Oh well I admit that is just being knit picky.
"Leave me alone let me get some peace I'm sittin' at the house shorty and I can't sleep." (I like that rhyme especially I really feel like he captured something. . .
Later on the video he goes to "school" and the song switches over entirely with basically silence backdropping his "report card today man. . . had all F's on it. . . took it back to the teacher and told her to throw some D's on it. . .)
Ok, so let me get this straight. The second part of a music video that I'm sure has received more than twelve million views on ONE youtube video alone, has DCW proclaiming that he got all F's and then telling the teacher to "throw" D's on it. Somebody who is doesn't care gets F's and doesn't challenge it. (I know this because I personally have failed classes that I didn't care about. . .I'm such a bad role model) But seriously, throw some D's on it. If your such a gangsta rebel in school and you stand on the table in your video why not tell the teacher to put A's on it. I suppose that could be a problem for those who's goals are very low in expectations. . .
Not only that but how is this guy getting away with writing hip hop music about his report card failure. I mean how juvenile is that. REPORT CARD!? Am I going crazy? THEN . . .No, no, no you thought I got to the best part? No, then he comes on the camera with silence in the background and says straight into the camera with an off-serious tone, "I was just playin' kids, yall know I made straight A's. Listen to Soulja' Boy Tell 'Em, stay in school. . ." Well clearly we know of several classes that he has not taken otherwise he could not have attained straight A's.
Here is a list:
Music Theory
English - Grammer and Poetry
Creative Writing
What bothers me the most about DCW is his tenacious obsession with himself. He clearly contradicts himself in this video. He shows his stats on everything everywhere. On his Youtube, Myspace, and Website (probably others too) he lists his recorded page views, records sold, and channel subscribers. Clearly he loves the attention. Some people have suggested that it could all be an act. I will admit that this is possible but I would ask at what point does an "act" become who you are. Surely if you are somebody 75% of the time than it is more than just an act. Certainly if the people around you think that it is who you are than you have lost control of your own reality and you have become the facade that protrudes before you. . .This video is nothing. It is a flashy piece of media that adds nothing new to any genre and certainly does not anything deep about the artist. As an audience member I do not gain anything new about myself or my world other than what I can infer based on a personal analysis.
The previous statements show his music is just a sellout to make money. I do not blame him for that. He is catering to an audience for the money it makes. I would do the same. But the main thing is that he carries no humility with him. Hip hop and Electronica sub-genres like Trance and Dance share some similarities. As a fervent listener of those kinds of music I can say that often the lyrics are limited and simple. Like traditional hip hop, (typically) a sample is taken and built upon with limited substitutes while maintaining a consistent tempo and beat. But for trance and dance the beat is what makes the song. It evolves and changes and "entrances" its listeners. I make this comparison to show that the music I personally listen to and would endorse even in my sleep (sometimes it plays even while I sleep) is no different. I am not attacking DCW personally, though I am, I am attacking all musicians, and even all people who are guilty of taking what they have gained without admitting their strokes of luck and random moments of fortune. I am on offense against those who have achieved a fraction of success and not genuinely considered a gratitude of their own half chance. I am entirely guilty of this personally but have tried to make amends by vowing to never again take my life and its prospects for granted.
Oh, and to anybody who loves Soulja Boy and is reading this; Yes, I am very jealous of Soulja Boy and all the money is making at his age and that is why "I be hatin'".
Note: No I am definitely not jealous of his money or fame. I would never willingly take money or popularity for my ignorance. Though I would admit my own incalculable vastness of lacking knowledge.
UPDATE: As a tribute to my profound ignorance this entire post is basically void. I'll leave it up to show how out of the loop I am but here is what a friend told me over an IM conversation. . .
****
but you know that "throw some d's on that bitch" is a song that everyone makes fun of
12:43
like throw some cheese on that bitch
DM Fife
12:44
lol what
*****
12:44
throw some fleas on that bitch
12:44
like d's are really big rims
12:44
like 22s
DM Fife
12:44
wait so its a pun?
*****
12:44
yeah its a joke
OK well there you have it! That's why I listen to Electronica hahaha
Soulja Boy "Tell 'Em" who I will now just call DeAndre Cortez Way or even better just DCW, explains this eloquently as he states at the beginning of his official YAHHH video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfCmYyG-yg4
"Man when somebody be[is] in your face on your nerves an[d] talkin' an[d] talkin' an[d] you don't want to hear it (I THINK he says) just be like 'yahhh! trick yahhh!'"
Then throughout the rest of the song the lyrics consist of "yahhh! trick yahhh!" and "get out[of] my face, get out[of] my face."
But don't forget the life changing words that are spoken:
"Let me tell you 'bout the life and how you live when you a star. Every single place you go the people run up to your car. Everybody wants to talk and everybody wants to jive everybody wants a handshake or wants a high-five. And these baby girls always got a friend that wants to talk to you. Ain't got time for chit-chat I'm tryin' to get this money. So get up out my face and do ahead get doney? (that last part I'm just guessing about. . .)"
If you watch the video take note of the growling sounds he makes that sounds like a medium sized rodent attacking something. . .
Of course I don't think the video is trying to be serious or realistic but I doubt that the 75 year old white mailman in the video is of the geographic to know who "Soulja Boy Tell 'Em" is much less what he looks like. . . Oh well I admit that is just being knit picky.
"Leave me alone let me get some peace I'm sittin' at the house shorty and I can't sleep." (I like that rhyme especially I really feel like he captured something. . .
Later on the video he goes to "school" and the song switches over entirely with basically silence backdropping his "report card today man. . . had all F's on it. . . took it back to the teacher and told her to throw some D's on it. . .)
Ok, so let me get this straight. The second part of a music video that I'm sure has received more than twelve million views on ONE youtube video alone, has DCW proclaiming that he got all F's and then telling the teacher to "throw" D's on it. Somebody who is doesn't care gets F's and doesn't challenge it. (I know this because I personally have failed classes that I didn't care about. . .I'm such a bad role model) But seriously, throw some D's on it. If your such a gangsta rebel in school and you stand on the table in your video why not tell the teacher to put A's on it. I suppose that could be a problem for those who's goals are very low in expectations. . .
Not only that but how is this guy getting away with writing hip hop music about his report card failure. I mean how juvenile is that. REPORT CARD!? Am I going crazy? THEN . . .No, no, no you thought I got to the best part? No, then he comes on the camera with silence in the background and says straight into the camera with an off-serious tone, "I was just playin' kids, yall know I made straight A's. Listen to Soulja' Boy Tell 'Em, stay in school. . ." Well clearly we know of several classes that he has not taken otherwise he could not have attained straight A's.
Here is a list:
Music Theory
English - Grammer and Poetry
Creative Writing
What bothers me the most about DCW is his tenacious obsession with himself. He clearly contradicts himself in this video. He shows his stats on everything everywhere. On his Youtube, Myspace, and Website (probably others too) he lists his recorded page views, records sold, and channel subscribers. Clearly he loves the attention. Some people have suggested that it could all be an act. I will admit that this is possible but I would ask at what point does an "act" become who you are. Surely if you are somebody 75% of the time than it is more than just an act. Certainly if the people around you think that it is who you are than you have lost control of your own reality and you have become the facade that protrudes before you. . .This video is nothing. It is a flashy piece of media that adds nothing new to any genre and certainly does not anything deep about the artist. As an audience member I do not gain anything new about myself or my world other than what I can infer based on a personal analysis.
The previous statements show his music is just a sellout to make money. I do not blame him for that. He is catering to an audience for the money it makes. I would do the same. But the main thing is that he carries no humility with him. Hip hop and Electronica sub-genres like Trance and Dance share some similarities. As a fervent listener of those kinds of music I can say that often the lyrics are limited and simple. Like traditional hip hop, (typically) a sample is taken and built upon with limited substitutes while maintaining a consistent tempo and beat. But for trance and dance the beat is what makes the song. It evolves and changes and "entrances" its listeners. I make this comparison to show that the music I personally listen to and would endorse even in my sleep (sometimes it plays even while I sleep) is no different. I am not attacking DCW personally, though I am, I am attacking all musicians, and even all people who are guilty of taking what they have gained without admitting their strokes of luck and random moments of fortune. I am on offense against those who have achieved a fraction of success and not genuinely considered a gratitude of their own half chance. I am entirely guilty of this personally but have tried to make amends by vowing to never again take my life and its prospects for granted.
Oh, and to anybody who loves Soulja Boy and is reading this; Yes, I am very jealous of Soulja Boy and all the money is making at his age and that is why "I be hatin'".
Note: No I am definitely not jealous of his money or fame. I would never willingly take money or popularity for my ignorance. Though I would admit my own incalculable vastness of lacking knowledge.
UPDATE: As a tribute to my profound ignorance this entire post is basically void. I'll leave it up to show how out of the loop I am but here is what a friend told me over an IM conversation. . .
****
but you know that "throw some d's on that bitch" is a song that everyone makes fun of
12:43
like throw some cheese on that bitch
DM Fife
12:44
lol what
*****
12:44
throw some fleas on that bitch
12:44
like d's are really big rims
12:44
like 22s
DM Fife
12:44
wait so its a pun?
*****
12:44
yeah its a joke
OK well there you have it! That's why I listen to Electronica hahaha
29 September 2008
My Teenage Hollywood-Movie Story
As I write this my stomach aches with greasy food and a milkshake!
But now your probably drawn into this story and spun around like a crack head who hears someone exclaim, "I love drinking coke!"
Since, you are dying of curiosity let me indulge you a little. It all started about two hours ago when I was leaving Diana's. You see my NOT dimwitted manager decided to schedule me to work for nine days/ eternity-plus in a row. So after going to work at 0800 today, which meant not getting enough sleep last night, I got off around 1430. which is kickin' except for the fact, that since I got up at eight I'm exhausted. This is building up to an excuse for my absence of mind throughout the day. So after forgetting to clock out at work, I go home. Home of course is a place I will describe one day, so that whenever you decide for yourself to analyze this jumbled piece of trash I call my "blog" you can see where all this garbage came from.
So, I get home and complete some daily routine stuff, good times, really good times. Check in with my LH dudes and listen to some tunes to unwind. I decide to go to Diana's which I did after a short skirmish that I defused with my mother. Always obstacles to get out of this house. . . I go to Diana's around 1630 or so. Massive fun watched The Brothers Grimm I think it was called. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger???
Everything is good. Today/tomorrow I am scheduled to work at 0630. Yeah exactly, why in the hell for everything that is holy would anyone need to work that early for something other than the good of human life? Well I'll give you a hint. It's plural, part of the horse family, and yeah you get it. So I had to leave Diana's around 2200 so I could get home and get sleep for that early shift.
A slight problem however that greatly influence my plans of early departure of consciousness. My dad's suped (and by suped I mean incredibly minor body damage) up '99 Chevy Cavalier does not have an automatic headlight shutoff system. So in the event that an absent minded driver (absent minded while NOT driving) such as myself forgets to turn them off in broad day light, they will run down the battery.
So as you can guess I get back to my car only to realize my mistake the moment I switch my lights to find they are already on. Good job Fife, you really did it this time. So I return to Diana's house to ask for jumper cables. This turns out all to be very good because I had never ever jumped a car in my life and tonight I learned how so I was all about it.
I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS TOMORROW AFTERNOON AFTER A LOVELY DAY OF WORK THAT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ABOUT AS MUCH AS GETTING TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE
Cont.
Well I survived, obviously. It's not about 1800 and I have been home for a few hours puttering around; I don't remember what I did. I took a nap that pretty much grabbed some of my time without a giving me a receipt of less exhaustion.
So back to the story at hand. I start driving home and in my mind I'm thinking like an ignoranus, "hmmm I need to buy a new car battery". . .Because you see my parents consistently take away my ability to make independent decisions for myself and I will explain all that later.
But because of all that I was forced to set out on a quest. A quest to find, pay for, and install a new car battery at 2300 on a sunday night and have them not know. So I go to the bank planning to withdraw $200 which is almost 50% of my standing savings account. Do you see my commitment for the whole gain independence at the age of 19 from my parents? Well apparently you can't make a withdraw from your own savings at an ATM? I mean I never tried, but I thought it was an option considering it asks you the account type. So I don't have the ability to get cash, but I could overrun my checking in the hopes I would not get charged too heftily for transferring funds.
I decide it would be worth the risk and the cost to try it out. I go home, park the car in the driveway and leave the car running. I run inside the house trying to not wake my parents and I grab my laptop. I then return to the car, and google queries like '24 hour car serve [my zipcode]' and 'emergency car batteries'. I called like seven different places and all of them were willing to tow me, but not sell me a battery alone.
I'm pretty pissed at myself at this point. Hope is fading about as quickly as my idea of getting more than 6 hours of sleep before work.
At this point I call Diana and explain the ordeal and of course she comes to the rescue. "Why are you buying a new battery?"
"Because the other one is dead. . .?"
"Your battery is rechargeable!"
"Wait, it is?"
"Yes"
"No way? HOW!!!???"
"Just drive around for an hour"
"If I leave my car running for an hour it will recharge the battery?"
"Yes"
"OK!"
So there it was. I had a new mission. Get some crappy food and just make a joke of my night. Try to unwind on my own and realize that this is not a real emergency. There was no "existential threat" as John McCain would say. So I go to McDonald's and they are closed. I'm really thinking about fries at this point. My favorite fries of all time are by far Rally's. Honestly, they are so freakin' good. I'm sure each fry takes more time off your life than a cigarette but I never smoke and hardly ever eat fries that it is worth it to me.
So I go on an expedition to Rally's because I "Hadda Eat". I pull up to the drive through hoping to grab some fries and a shake. I make the order. . .
"Hey dude yeah can I get a small chocolate shake and a small order of fries"
"Da shake machine down"
"Oh, well then I'll just take the fries with a hi-c"
So I pull up to the window and pay this guy, he hands me my hi-c and I proceed to wait there for the better part of 10 minutes waiting for these fries. In the meantime, he leaves the window open and has a conversation on his cell phone where he is yelling things like:
"Yeah doe though LAX is decent forreal like mang like I ain't never been dere fo sho like but I did hurr it was alright doe."
and. ..
"Yeah mang but she aint fat doe. Lie you can tell lie dat you know she lies her foods doe but she ain't like fat."
Eventually I get my fries and immediately am depressed about my shake. So I venture over to Steak 'n Shake. Here is the place where a good time is being had by all. People waddling out of their cars, more round than a sphere. Looks like some freestyle battles are going on inside. And all the while it looks like everyone in the kitchen is fast at work but the drive through still took forever to get those burgers out. I ordered one chocolate shake. Waited in line for a bit while still in communication with Diana. I got my shake and before I could identify just how delicious it was it was inside of my with a sprinkling of Rally's fries. As I drove home I realized that I had actually just inhaled a 16 oz shake and two handfuls of fries and something clicked on my stomach started the aches. I drove home knowing I had only a few more minutes until I could stop and turn off the car and try to sleep.
I pulled up in front of my house, parked on the street, and took a moment in breathe before turning off the car after running it for a grand total of 71 minutes. I shut off the lights and turned the key. The ceiling light came on. I put the key back into the ignition and slowly turned it hoping to the cosmic powers that the engine would rev and start. It did. I sighed a small and arrogant release. Pulled my trash together and walked inside. All of well with the car, but it was gaining midnight with great speed and all I could think about was waking at 0545. I climbed onto my sleeping platform that we call beds and layed there for a while contemplating what a great depression would start off as but decided to not consider the possibilities of such events. Slowly it turned into other thoughts and before I knew it/several hours later I fell into a slumber only to be rudely awaken about three hours later by the song 'Diving' by 4 Strings. As I climbed out of bed it occurred to me that perhaps I had not shutoff the lights again on my dad's suped up '99.
I did though.
But now your probably drawn into this story and spun around like a crack head who hears someone exclaim, "I love drinking coke!"
Since, you are dying of curiosity let me indulge you a little. It all started about two hours ago when I was leaving Diana's. You see my NOT dimwitted manager decided to schedule me to work for nine days/ eternity-plus in a row. So after going to work at 0800 today, which meant not getting enough sleep last night, I got off around 1430. which is kickin' except for the fact, that since I got up at eight I'm exhausted. This is building up to an excuse for my absence of mind throughout the day. So after forgetting to clock out at work, I go home. Home of course is a place I will describe one day, so that whenever you decide for yourself to analyze this jumbled piece of trash I call my "blog" you can see where all this garbage came from.
So, I get home and complete some daily routine stuff, good times, really good times. Check in with my LH dudes and listen to some tunes to unwind. I decide to go to Diana's which I did after a short skirmish that I defused with my mother. Always obstacles to get out of this house. . . I go to Diana's around 1630 or so. Massive fun watched The Brothers Grimm I think it was called. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger???
Everything is good. Today/tomorrow I am scheduled to work at 0630. Yeah exactly, why in the hell for everything that is holy would anyone need to work that early for something other than the good of human life? Well I'll give you a hint. It's plural, part of the horse family, and yeah you get it. So I had to leave Diana's around 2200 so I could get home and get sleep for that early shift.
A slight problem however that greatly influence my plans of early departure of consciousness. My dad's suped (and by suped I mean incredibly minor body damage) up '99 Chevy Cavalier does not have an automatic headlight shutoff system. So in the event that an absent minded driver (absent minded while NOT driving) such as myself forgets to turn them off in broad day light, they will run down the battery.
So as you can guess I get back to my car only to realize my mistake the moment I switch my lights to find they are already on. Good job Fife, you really did it this time. So I return to Diana's house to ask for jumper cables. This turns out all to be very good because I had never ever jumped a car in my life and tonight I learned how so I was all about it.
I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS TOMORROW AFTERNOON AFTER A LOVELY DAY OF WORK THAT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ABOUT AS MUCH AS GETTING TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE
Cont.
Well I survived, obviously. It's not about 1800 and I have been home for a few hours puttering around; I don't remember what I did. I took a nap that pretty much grabbed some of my time without a giving me a receipt of less exhaustion.
So back to the story at hand. I start driving home and in my mind I'm thinking like an ignoranus, "hmmm I need to buy a new car battery". . .Because you see my parents consistently take away my ability to make independent decisions for myself and I will explain all that later.
But because of all that I was forced to set out on a quest. A quest to find, pay for, and install a new car battery at 2300 on a sunday night and have them not know. So I go to the bank planning to withdraw $200 which is almost 50% of my standing savings account. Do you see my commitment for the whole gain independence at the age of 19 from my parents? Well apparently you can't make a withdraw from your own savings at an ATM? I mean I never tried, but I thought it was an option considering it asks you the account type. So I don't have the ability to get cash, but I could overrun my checking in the hopes I would not get charged too heftily for transferring funds.
I decide it would be worth the risk and the cost to try it out. I go home, park the car in the driveway and leave the car running. I run inside the house trying to not wake my parents and I grab my laptop. I then return to the car, and google queries like '24 hour car serve [my zipcode]' and 'emergency car batteries'. I called like seven different places and all of them were willing to tow me, but not sell me a battery alone.
I'm pretty pissed at myself at this point. Hope is fading about as quickly as my idea of getting more than 6 hours of sleep before work.
At this point I call Diana and explain the ordeal and of course she comes to the rescue. "Why are you buying a new battery?"
"Because the other one is dead. . .?"
"Your battery is rechargeable!"
"Wait, it is?"
"Yes"
"No way? HOW!!!???"
"Just drive around for an hour"
"If I leave my car running for an hour it will recharge the battery?"
"Yes"
"OK!"
So there it was. I had a new mission. Get some crappy food and just make a joke of my night. Try to unwind on my own and realize that this is not a real emergency. There was no "existential threat" as John McCain would say. So I go to McDonald's and they are closed. I'm really thinking about fries at this point. My favorite fries of all time are by far Rally's. Honestly, they are so freakin' good. I'm sure each fry takes more time off your life than a cigarette but I never smoke and hardly ever eat fries that it is worth it to me.
So I go on an expedition to Rally's because I "Hadda Eat". I pull up to the drive through hoping to grab some fries and a shake. I make the order. . .
"Hey dude yeah can I get a small chocolate shake and a small order of fries"
"Da shake machine down"
"Oh, well then I'll just take the fries with a hi-c"
So I pull up to the window and pay this guy, he hands me my hi-c and I proceed to wait there for the better part of 10 minutes waiting for these fries. In the meantime, he leaves the window open and has a conversation on his cell phone where he is yelling things like:
"Yeah doe though LAX is decent forreal like mang like I ain't never been dere fo sho like but I did hurr it was alright doe."
and. ..
"Yeah mang but she aint fat doe. Lie you can tell lie dat you know she lies her foods doe but she ain't like fat."
Eventually I get my fries and immediately am depressed about my shake. So I venture over to Steak 'n Shake. Here is the place where a good time is being had by all. People waddling out of their cars, more round than a sphere. Looks like some freestyle battles are going on inside. And all the while it looks like everyone in the kitchen is fast at work but the drive through still took forever to get those burgers out. I ordered one chocolate shake. Waited in line for a bit while still in communication with Diana. I got my shake and before I could identify just how delicious it was it was inside of my with a sprinkling of Rally's fries. As I drove home I realized that I had actually just inhaled a 16 oz shake and two handfuls of fries and something clicked on my stomach started the aches. I drove home knowing I had only a few more minutes until I could stop and turn off the car and try to sleep.
I pulled up in front of my house, parked on the street, and took a moment in breathe before turning off the car after running it for a grand total of 71 minutes. I shut off the lights and turned the key. The ceiling light came on. I put the key back into the ignition and slowly turned it hoping to the cosmic powers that the engine would rev and start. It did. I sighed a small and arrogant release. Pulled my trash together and walked inside. All of well with the car, but it was gaining midnight with great speed and all I could think about was waking at 0545. I climbed onto my sleeping platform that we call beds and layed there for a while contemplating what a great depression would start off as but decided to not consider the possibilities of such events. Slowly it turned into other thoughts and before I knew it/several hours later I fell into a slumber only to be rudely awaken about three hours later by the song 'Diving' by 4 Strings. As I climbed out of bed it occurred to me that perhaps I had not shutoff the lights again on my dad's suped up '99.
I did though.
24 September 2008
OK just go.
Alright folks here we go big time.
I have been accepted to NKU. Where I will most likely end up going. Because of this acceptance, I now get the luxury of choosing which path to take. You know paths of your life. It's like in a video game except you can't go back and replay a chapter of your existence.
I also get to quit my job. I have really tried to minimize the amount of cursing. As you can tell, I have yet to use any such word even once. If you know me in person you will feel that I swear more than average, maybe. But I really wanted to keep this one cleaner. That is really besides the point, however. What I am trying to express is that if I were to (for example) call my job the exponentially worse than Dante's inferno BITCH CARNIVAL FROM HELL it would probably only be exaggerating slightly. I will definitely give a few posts job priority.
What I am most excited about is taking six weeks to do nothing. And by saying that I am doing nothing for six weeks this is what I am referring to:
Updating this blog regularly
Posting Videos on Youtube Daily
Reading several text books
Learning french
Sleeping until 1500 and sleeping at 0600
E P I C ! ! !
Don't you see the splendor?
I will be able to finally do the things I want to do like list fantastic things I like to do and really delve into MY LIFE. Not the life somebody wants me to have. Starting on Oct. 20 you will see for many weeks the new Life of Fife like never before. This blog will become what I hoped it could be and if not than you need to hold me accountable. Definitely check back soon too for some awesomely stories!
I have been accepted to NKU. Where I will most likely end up going. Because of this acceptance, I now get the luxury of choosing which path to take. You know paths of your life. It's like in a video game except you can't go back and replay a chapter of your existence.
I also get to quit my job. I have really tried to minimize the amount of cursing. As you can tell, I have yet to use any such word even once. If you know me in person you will feel that I swear more than average, maybe. But I really wanted to keep this one cleaner. That is really besides the point, however. What I am trying to express is that if I were to (for example) call my job the exponentially worse than Dante's inferno BITCH CARNIVAL FROM HELL it would probably only be exaggerating slightly. I will definitely give a few posts job priority.
What I am most excited about is taking six weeks to do nothing. And by saying that I am doing nothing for six weeks this is what I am referring to:
Updating this blog regularly
Posting Videos on Youtube Daily
Reading several text books
Learning french
Sleeping until 1500 and sleeping at 0600
E P I C ! ! !
Don't you see the splendor?
I will be able to finally do the things I want to do like list fantastic things I like to do and really delve into MY LIFE. Not the life somebody wants me to have. Starting on Oct. 20 you will see for many weeks the new Life of Fife like never before. This blog will become what I hoped it could be and if not than you need to hold me accountable. Definitely check back soon too for some awesomely stories!
15 September 2008
Part 2 of that last one
Who I Am
My name is Fife. I am 19 years old. I am from Cincinnati, Ohio. I went to school for one year and though I gained honors and was on the Dean's List I left because I did not enjoy it very much. I love techno music. I enjoy listening to Miles David, John Coltrane, Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, and Bobby Darin. I also enjoy listening to Johnny Cash from time to time. I often spend time thinking about the end of the world. Not from a religious sense with the rapture or an apocalypse because I am not a religious person exactly. But I am practically convinced I will see the collapse of human existence or at least the collapse of our modern ways due to nuclear fallout, peak oil, global warming, or maybe even something more exciting like the evolution of an AI that can become exponentially intelligent. When I'm not pondering the demise of our species I enjoy writing, sometimes like this and sometimes in other ways. I also daydream about future and upcoming video games. When I'm not writing I am usually doing something else like reading, playing video games, or spending time with Diana. (not in that order) I read about anything and everything. I enjoy politics and discussing them and arguing them. I enjoy video games. You can find me on XBL my tag is Beadoleoma. Beadoleoma is a very, very olde enlgish word for sword. It is actually pronounced Bee-ad-ol-ay-ah-mah. Beadol (battle) leoma (light) not quite like that because I don't actually know anything about olde enlgish other than that is supposedly the breakdown. Beadoleoma can actually be found in 'Beowulf.'
In the short term I have several goals. Get back into school somewhere. Learn French. Publish several articles of some sort in the Enquirer. Start an ongoing group about peak oil and localization in Cincinnati.
Diana will have an entire post dedicated to her.
As for politics. . . Sarah Palin I don't like you because you are a creationist. If you are a woman reading this I would urge you to consider joining the WASPs; Women Against Sarah Palin but I am no way affiliated with them. Rumor has it when you join you have to blink.
I think this is all I am going to write for now, my parents are calling me to have some things done. I realize that by admitting I am living with my parents certain amounts of respect is dropped from my name. . . I shall dedicate an entire post about that as well.
Bonsoir
My name is Fife. I am 19 years old. I am from Cincinnati, Ohio. I went to school for one year and though I gained honors and was on the Dean's List I left because I did not enjoy it very much. I love techno music. I enjoy listening to Miles David, John Coltrane, Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, and Bobby Darin. I also enjoy listening to Johnny Cash from time to time. I often spend time thinking about the end of the world. Not from a religious sense with the rapture or an apocalypse because I am not a religious person exactly. But I am practically convinced I will see the collapse of human existence or at least the collapse of our modern ways due to nuclear fallout, peak oil, global warming, or maybe even something more exciting like the evolution of an AI that can become exponentially intelligent. When I'm not pondering the demise of our species I enjoy writing, sometimes like this and sometimes in other ways. I also daydream about future and upcoming video games. When I'm not writing I am usually doing something else like reading, playing video games, or spending time with Diana. (not in that order) I read about anything and everything. I enjoy politics and discussing them and arguing them. I enjoy video games. You can find me on XBL my tag is Beadoleoma. Beadoleoma is a very, very olde enlgish word for sword. It is actually pronounced Bee-ad-ol-ay-ah-mah. Beadol (battle) leoma (light) not quite like that because I don't actually know anything about olde enlgish other than that is supposedly the breakdown. Beadoleoma can actually be found in 'Beowulf.'
In the short term I have several goals. Get back into school somewhere. Learn French. Publish several articles of some sort in the Enquirer. Start an ongoing group about peak oil and localization in Cincinnati.
Diana will have an entire post dedicated to her.
As for politics. . . Sarah Palin I don't like you because you are a creationist. If you are a woman reading this I would urge you to consider joining the WASPs; Women Against Sarah Palin but I am no way affiliated with them. Rumor has it when you join you have to blink.
I think this is all I am going to write for now, my parents are calling me to have some things done. I realize that by admitting I am living with my parents certain amounts of respect is dropped from my name. . . I shall dedicate an entire post about that as well.
Bonsoir
Life of Fife (other names were taken) P1
Hey everyone. This is like a first real post. Right now it is about 1530 as i start this. I like military time because it makes more sense. The entire day is 24 hours. Why chop it up into two 12 hour segments? I am listening to 'Reaching Your Soul' by System F on an album compilation of System F and Gouryella. System F is an alias for Ferry Corsten, who I believe right now is ranked as the no. 7 DJ in the world. Gouryella is a collaboration between Ferry Corsten and Tiesto who is ranked no. 1. So it is very much a progressive house/trace/dance music. I like this kind of music because it gets me pumped up and excited. One of the biggest problems that I have had for as long as I can remember is a lack of physical motivation. If my ideas and thoughts could just put themselves down on paper and work themselves out, I would be a millionaire, though many people would agree the same would be for them. But still, I often feel nauseated at the thought of doing very strenuous work or even sometimes moving at all. It is not so much that I am lazy, it is that I am entirely unmotivated. Techno motivates my soul. My mind becomes energized and I suddenly feel a weight lifted and I want to go out and physically do things and use my whole mind.
Before I started writing this I was working on the yard. Hurricane Ike as I stated in my previous post just happened to continue its low pressure gusts in this direction which ended up wiping out out a couple trees with 70 mph winds, causing four known deaths, and 800,000 people to lose power for some time. Over 500,000 people have now gone for over 24 hours without power.
its now a little later and i have gotten carried away a bit while writing here I am in the Lionhead chat on IRC. Lionhead is the developer behind Fable II a game I have been waiting for since May of 2007.
OK so at some point today/tonight I plan on writing a letter to the editor about this whole electrical power out thing. One of my major interests is Peak Oil. I will get into your desert because I would not want to ruin it. But yesterday and today with the power out people have been going crazy and it certainly has been weird to see what people do in a setting where everything they know is suddenly killed by the lack of electric current. . . I want to bring awareness to Peak Oil and really start something going in Cincinnati about what it is and what it will bring and what we need to do to be ready. BTW this is not my normal writing style this is totally fragmented and disorganized I can't seem to get out my thoughts quickly enough to encompass my stream of thought. Next post I will start more from the beginning.
Before I started writing this I was working on the yard. Hurricane Ike as I stated in my previous post just happened to continue its low pressure gusts in this direction which ended up wiping out out a couple trees with 70 mph winds, causing four known deaths, and 800,000 people to lose power for some time. Over 500,000 people have now gone for over 24 hours without power.
its now a little later and i have gotten carried away a bit while writing here I am in the Lionhead chat on IRC. Lionhead is the developer behind Fable II a game I have been waiting for since May of 2007.
OK so at some point today/tonight I plan on writing a letter to the editor about this whole electrical power out thing. One of my major interests is Peak Oil. I will get into your desert because I would not want to ruin it. But yesterday and today with the power out people have been going crazy and it certainly has been weird to see what people do in a setting where everything they know is suddenly killed by the lack of electric current. . . I want to bring awareness to Peak Oil and really start something going in Cincinnati about what it is and what it will bring and what we need to do to be ready. BTW this is not my normal writing style this is totally fragmented and disorganized I can't seem to get out my thoughts quickly enough to encompass my stream of thought. Next post I will start more from the beginning.
14 September 2008
The First
This is the first post of many. Currently, I am staying over at Diana's house after the low-pressure remnants of hurricane Ike have pushed all the way though to Cincinnati and caused winds of up to 70 mph and 850,000 residents of the Cincinnati tri-state area without power. . . Another post tonight will probably shed more light on who I am. I may also include some video footage along with audio footage of some of things I witnessed. OK more soon! (horrible first post FYI)
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