N/A = Not Attentive

Hmmm, I shouldn't be typing anything other than the paper that is due tomorrow that I have yet to start. But, yes, defiantly (defiant oh whom, you ask? --who am I kidding, you're not really asking. . .) I am putting this paper off even further into the night. I do this to keep a personal and public reputation.

The personal reputation is this. I type paper's when I am exhausted, in the middle of the night/beginning of the morning. I start my papers with lots of drugs; a brilliant combination of adrenaline and caffeine. The adrenaline is from stress induced panic attacks. The caffeine is from cheap crappy coffee and green tea. I pride myself on the ability to bullshit papers without even thinking about them. Then, after the rush of the stimulants passes my body, I find myself barely functioning, yet, pressing on (the keys that is) into the next day in order to finish spreading the manure evenly through the pages. The next day, I wake to find a beautifully crafted paper sitting on the desktop of my computer, ready to be spell checked and printed. Though I might not remember exactly what I typed, I usually like the way it sounds.

My public reputation for not typing papers is fairly outstanding as well. In general people are surprised when I open up a blank word document before 1am to get started. There are also a few notorious stories in which (my apologies for being so vain here) I have stayed up until the sunrise just bitching to everyone around me about the paper I had to write itself, rather than spending less time just writing the paper and getting it over with. But who are we really kidding? We all know it's not about the paper, it's about how the paper is written; how well it asks the good questions and makes the astute critiques. So, generally I find myself getting excited about funny things to put in the paper and pushing the ridiculousness of the topics to their extremes. But, my dear reader, tonight, this paper is a whole different beast.

It is, I'm afraid something I almost dare not even say. Yes, it is a "Critique Essay." Really? I want to meet the assholes here who say that this is a good idea. I want to speak to the people who assume that by reading an essay by another, I gain ability to assess that paper, by writing a critique of it. Sure, sure the heads of the english department are all academic head honchos who probably wear their accolades and academic awards like war medals for all the political ass kissing - - I mean intellectual pioneering they have done.

Felt good to get all that out there, time to down this coffee and get this shit done.

Oh AND I ALMOST FORGOT. Apparently, over this just newly passed Labor Day Weekend, there were not ONE but TWO online math assignments due. . . Who is the dumbass who didn't check the calendar for that one? Two!? Is that entirely necessary!? Time to stop acting like the freshman I wish I was and start acting like the junior my tuition says I should be. . .