Back to School

Hmmm back in school. So many things that don't play a role in real day-to-day life come up, hopefully because of good things? It's weird to be back here. My mail is behind by about three days, so sorry to all the fans who write in. . .kidding.

I try to categorize my life whenever possible so that I can label that section of my life with something. So the top news stories in my life.

Laptop Broken

About two or nights ago, my laptop would not turn on. It has been kind of flaky lately about getting out of bed, but this time it wouldn't wake up or anything, it just kind of went comatose on me. I have narrowed the problem down to either a logic board problem where it is no longer operating correctly with the video card, or perhaps it is strictly a video card problem. Either way, my computer appears to turn on but nothing appears on my screen on the output of the external monitor. . . So that's pretty sweet. I suppose I should be grateful it happened now and not later in the year, perhaps during a procrastinated paper or before a final exam.

Still Depressed

I feel not quite like myself. I feel dumb. I can't seem to recall anything from anywhere. I feel like I don't have quite enough energy or drive to do anything. I feel like I'm always on autopilot? I find myself completely blanking out on walking to class or climbing stares. Certainly I can see where splitting of the consciousness would come into play here, but it has never happened like this to me before. I feel like someone else with all my memories climbed into my skin and took over driving, and now I'm just the co-pilot. Perhaps just a phase or something I'm not really sure.

Turn Tableism

I'm quite a shitty DJ. I bought all the equipment I need to start off with the basics -tables, a mixer, the music, and tons of expectations. I hear other deejays who are professional or quite capable and I can hear what they are doing with the music but I can't seem to perform the same transitions or builds up to par. Though it's been less than a week of serious attempt, I can't help but feel like I'm improving in stalled slow motion.

Lo

I can't seem to do anything without missing her. Day and night I look for her in things I have, and the things around me. I look for her face on the people I pass and I try to find her voice in the jungle of sounds around campus. With no luck time after time, I just play her playlist which is more like a soundtrack really. It's a small price to pay really, she is worth so much more than the cost. But being away from her certainly doesn't make things easier.

More on the way I'm sure. Eventually I'll get around to being inspired and saying the things I want to say, saying the things I need to say, and saying the things people think I should say. But until then, find your own soundtrack.